Humility and the Art of Listening Well

- Pastor Matt LaMaster-
When was the last time that someone opened up to you and shared their trials with you? What did you say in response, what was the pattern of the conversation?

If you are like me, you have probably made the mistake of cutting someone off and explaining why they don’t actually understand their own pain. Often, people don’t open up because they want you to fix it. Sometimes people speak because they just want someone to hear. Yet, for competitive people like myself, it is much easier to listen to find something to reply to. I am a competitive person. So when I converse, I am usually ready with a reply faster than the fastest draw in the West (even if I don’t know what I am talking about!).

The reality is that often you and I engage in conversation to be heard, not to hear. 

What does this have to do with the Christian faith?

Christians believe that Jesus Christ has humbly given up himself considering equality (which was his) nothing to be grasped, and instead emptied himself (Phil 2:5-8). “Have this mind among yourselves,” (2:5) Paul commands the Philippians. Paul’s desire is that they likewise consider their own value nothing for the sake of one another. That though they are indeed equals, they intentionally consider themselves beneath their peers. And indeed, through our union with our Lord, this mind already is ours, it is now a matter of using it. This is humility.

Humility enters our conversations when we listen well. Humility asks more questions than it answers. Humility does not wait for the other person to say their piece so we can blow their minds with something insightful in reply, to drop a knowledge bomb. It means being the novice and letting them be the teacher. Humility means pondering what the other person has said; it means giving them the benefit of the doubt. 

Humility patiently taught me to ask, “Do you want me to fix it, or do you just want me to hear?” Do you want me to speak or not to speak?

And when they say, “I just want you to listen,” humility teaches me to accept that.

---